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She wanted me to teach her how to know what she wanted in bed.
That was the first of many times I’d come to hear that kind of question from women young and old who have been so discouraged from prioritizing their own sexual pleasure.
The basic principle at the heart of affirmative consent is simple: We’re each responsible for making sure our sex partners are actually into whatever is happening between us.
Since decent human beings only want to have sex with people who are into it, this shouldn’t be a hard sell.
But beware about falling in love with a married woman.
The need for affirmative consent education shouldn’t be taken to imply that perpetrators of sexual violence are just hopelessly confused.I heard it enough that I wrote my next two books to help women overcome that self-alienation, and help all of us change the cultural institutions that create it.