Need help dating
Giving singles more handles to work out the norms and expectations of a healthy dating relationship and what to reasonably expect in a partner can help them to make wiser dating choices and encourage them to date seriously with a view towards marriage.Welcome back to The Attraction Doctor I'm taking a break from my series on rejection to comment on another matter.Going back to the debate above for a moment, we can now see where each good doctors' advice fits. White's notion of "what you want" fits both in the benefits you'd like to receive from a relationship and the satisfaction you expect to derive from it. Rattenberg's notion of "what they want" fits in the costs that you can expect to put into a relationship and perhaps your chances of "picking up" different partners (your dependence level). It can make such nice and tidy sense of this stuff! However, you also don't need to obsess about every little detail. So, make sure the exchange you're planning is equitable and fair, for both you and for your prospective partners. See what your options for "trading partners" look like.6) Pick an option or reassess your plan - If you find a good deal, go with it. Attraction for more dating and relationship advice (in helpful categories)! Or cant be sympathetic to a man whos self confidence was shatterd for some reason? That is why I was attempting to reconcile the two views. My intention was to put forward a more comprehensive set of instructions that could find the middle ground.Based on Social Exchange Theory, here is the general advice I give for successful and satisfying dating and relating.1) Figure out what you want - It all starts with you. They get so wrapped up in "finding love" or "pleasing others" that they forget to figure out what they want out of the deal. A general idea of what you would like from a partner is best. Make it a good deal on both ends.4) Know your dating market (what "they" want) - Here is where you take into consideration what your potential partners might want. Especially when the relationship is fair, satisfying, and the best alternative for both you and them. Do you need to give a little more to get who you really want? Do you need to try a different dating group, time, location to find someone to connect with? Eventually, you will find a connection (or several) that works. .let me clarify something about the post of mine that you mention. White's message is that figuring out what you want in a relationship is more important for a successful love life than guessing about what others want." I wasn't downplaying trying to figure out what other people want from a relationship--which is very important, I agree--but rather trying to figure out what other people want you to be. So, I chopped "a successful love life" out, just to be on the safe side. Being true to yourself..also finding someone who wants who you are too.In fact, they echo the same debate that often goes on in general self-help or dating advice.When looking for love, should you focus on "being what others want" and making yourself appealing?
So I would say to the traumatized person: yes, work on your trauma, but do it for yourself, not because you think others will like you better if you do.
However, they are each just looking at a piece of the overall exchange that is dating and relating.