Dating count up
As a result, I became the sort of person who was very good at finding excuses for why things had gone wrong – it wasn’t Why would I do this?Because I didn’t want to acknowledge my part: I was choosing to continue a relationship with someone who made me miserable.The friend who would get pissed at you for disagreeing with them in public.The passive-aggressive friend who would make commitments and conveniently “forget” them when it suited her.I wouldn’t take responsibility for what was ultimately my screw up and fix it – either through trying to work things out with my girlfriend or by dumping her and walking away – and so I instead tried to shirk the blame and refused to acknowledge that anything was wrong.This is going to be a tricky section because what I’m about to say is going to sound an awful lot like victim-blaming, which is not my intent. People who have poor boundaries and low self-esteem are typically easy prey for abusers.
Many people will cheerfully take advantage of those with weak boundaries; they look for people who are willing to put the well-being of others above and beyond their own in an effort to please others and make them like them.The other frequent cause for poor boundaries is an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s own actions.Taking a stand – saying that you will not tolerate or put up with certain attitudes or behavior – means being willing to accept the responsibility of that choice and thus shouldering the consequences.I had few boundaries to speak of and even less self-esteem…
and I was willing to consider this treatment a fair price for being in a relationship. In fact, many people who are socially inexperienced – geeks and nerds especially – will have encountered all of these and more over the course of their relationships… Many will assume that these are just par for the course when it comes to relationships – platonic, romantic, or familial.
This can be intimidating, especially when you’re not the most secure person to begin with.